Hi,
Welcome to our first every blog!! I cant even believe we are here, doing this! This is honestly God's calling for us. God has truly put this on our hearts to do this and share our stories, we truly believe this is going to help people.
This is our first blog, what better way to start this by talking about why we're here.
So.... this is Chelsea writing, so Hi!! I'm 32 years old born in Portsmouth, lived here my whole life. Sam is my husband, he is 33, again, born in Portsmouth and lived here forever! We actually went to the same school, but didn't know each other. We met in 2012 in a nightclub. Sam was smitten from the first meeting... haha! But we we're in very different places in life, so we hung out a few times, but then life happened.
I think I'm going to start with my life story then we can talk about Sam's because its a wild ride.
So i had a very normal worldy life, worked, partied, didn't have a relationship with God, at all. Which thinking about that now, makes me so sad, but i was called home, right at the right time, God's timing. Thank Jesus for that!
At the age of 23 i was pregnant with my 1st child. There was lots of drama in my life at the time, and God is so good he gave me Mason as he knew i wouldn't of survived without him, Thank you God. So i had My little man. My best friend. 3 weeks after i gave birth my whole life was turned upside down, inside out and just went off. I lost my Grandad, who was my bestest friend, i had lived with him for most of my life on and off. He and my Nan were my constant. So to lose him was like losing a part of myself. I think it was 3 days after my Grandad past i had more bad news, which flipped my whole life around, i was a solo mum. my situationship (like a realtionship but not! - you know what i mean!) ended. so i had to deal with the loss of my Grandad, being a single mum, and losing someone close to me. It was dark. Looking back at it now, without Jesus, i don't know how i did it. - But by God's grace i did.
Now I'm not here to bring anyone down so we're going to skip to 2017! August in fact.
I'm chilling, at home, with my 2 year old son, we have our own flat, we have everything we need. I'm content. So one Tuesday evening I get a message on my instagram account. ' Hey, we used to hang way back!' it was from Sam, someone who i had thought about on and off since 2012! And genuinely from that day on, we've been inseparable. Now, i want you to keep in mind, we hadn't been saved yet, we didn't know God. We met up on the Friday and the rest is history! Sam met Mason about a month after we started dating, they became best friends, It's funny, i was so sacred to introduce them, because then it wouldn't just be me and Sam anymore. Sam would always visit me when Mason was asleep in bed, one night, Sam went to the toilet and he was taking forever, so i went to see if he was okay, and he was stood in the hallway, holding Mason, Mason had gotten out of bed, saw sam and raised his little arms for a cuddle and Sam couldn't just leave him, so picked him up. well... that was Mason awake for the night, he came into the living room with us and Sam forgot i was even there!! they we're playing dinosaurs and reading books, and my heart exploded. i didn't know if id ever have the family life. I had so much baggage but it didn't faze Sam, We always joke that we adopted Sam and that's how Sam became Mason's daddy.
We had a little girl in the following June, Esme, who is honestly a little wild child! She made us a family. At the end of 2018 we moved into our family home and got engaged, which was a lot of responsibility and it tested us massively! In 2019 things with our relationship hit rock bottom. i was questioning everything, like was this what i wanted!? one day after a huge fight, i was sleeping in the spare room, i was on Facebook, aimlessly scrolling and i came across a post from an old friend he was posting about church and how its changed his life etc. i saw it and i was like message him!! ask the question. so i did. I still have the message today and it say's " this is going to probably be such a weird message, i apologize now!' and i opened up. i told him i need something, how do you start your journey with God!? help me basically!
He replied and told me about his journey and said something to me that i will never ever forget. He said ' as wonderful as Sam is, He is human, he will let you down because hes human, no human is perfect..... one person who will never ever let you down is Jesus. cause he is perfect!' - just wow. Having my relationship with Jesus now, how true is that!! he will never leave me, never forsake me, will forever love me. i am safe with him. so AMEN!
I remember going downstairs to tell Sam i was going to church on Sunday, and i was pooooooing myself. I thought he would laugh, tell me i'd lost my mind etc, he was like ' oooookay.... I'm not going but I support you going'. a few days later, God worked wonders and gave Sam a nudge and he came with me!
This was the actual start of my journey. we went to church, every Sunday, we worshiped, we listened to the sermons, we made lots of friends, we started an Alpha course, life was okay.
Then September 2018 we got married. AND we were tested!!! about a month after, i fell pregnant, but it wasn't meant to be, i had to have surgery which made me very poorly. This was the start of my health issues, which i still struggle with to this day. Then in the November Sam and I we're both in hospital at the same time. Me for endometriosis and Sam had perforated his bowel and had to have surgery. (I'm going to talk about me!)
I had to basically go and say goodbye to Sam, cause the doctors didn't think he would make it. and honestly i think this was the first time i actually prayed. we had obviously been at church but we were so on and off and we were what i like to call lukewarm Christians!.
I had gotten myself into such a state when i got back to my hospital bed they had to sedate me. So i slept through his whole surgery, i woke up in the morning reaching for my phone, i had about 20 missed calls from Sam's mum, texts... Facebook notifications etc. i was so scared i didn't want to open the messages or call anyone cause i thought i was going to be told that my husband of 2 months was dead, it was the worst feeling in the world. But scrolling through the messages i had one from Sam. he was okay! I called for a porter and they took me to see him and it was horrendous. he was in this private room, where you were separated by another room, where you had to wash your hands before entering. he had tubes everywhere, and i mean everywhere! coming out his nose, his neck, in his stomach, he had a stoma, a drain, a catheter, iv lines, just wires everywhere. He looked so ill. so frail and just not my Sam. i was scared to hold his hand cause i thought he would break. Even though i had just prayed and my prayers were answered, my husband was alive, i was questioning how he could leave him looking like this, so poorly... why test us like this!? it wasn't nice. - Now i know why! but at the time it was horrible. we spent 10 days away from each other. Honestly, with Sam's auto immune disease the doctors thought he would be in hospital until Christmas. but he was only in there 10 days!! amazing. He was home, recovering well. i was home recovering. life was on the up. Then 3 weeks before Christmas we got the call that Sam had lymphatic cells in the mass they removed and they thought he had cancer. We didn't believe it, but it was confirmed. Life was about to get a whole lot worse. Hospital became our second home and being brutally honest, for me, God didn't have space in my brain, i was too busy for church, for praying, for anything.
Sam started chemo and Covid hit. we we're alone, together, 2 kids, stuck indoors, fearing the outside world, hardly any support. add home schooling into that.... nope. Our Church family helped us out lots. We had food parcels, regular check ins, online church. But it wasn't the same for me. i was angry at God. But i was trying... i started drawing. i drew cards for church community to cheer people up, i was donating food, helping out our street whatsapp, helping get bits for the elderly in our road, again, not praying, not reading the bible, just 'doing what was right' - thinking it was enough. - just a little spoiler - it wasn't!
Sam was healed! Praise God! But i had back slided. bad! i was gone. I started a business, which started from doing those cards for church. Which did so well! But God came last in that. (So not the right attitude!). Then for me i hit rock bottom. Like i thought 2019/2020 was bad..... 2021 was the pit for me.
Anxiety. Depression. Not the oh I'm sad. The i don't want to be here anymore depression. sitting on the sofa, not changing my clothes for days, not showering, crying... all the time. not wanting to leave the house... honestly praying to die. That kind of depression. I find it really hard to write about this because i feel like I'm talking it over my life again, but honestly Jesus, will not allow that to happen. He saved me, he loves me and i am good now, but i this can help just one person, its worth it.
This isnt the end of my story! There is lots more to unpick and tell, but for now, stay blessed, God bless and remember Jesus is King!.
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